Observations on Safety
Jun. 14th, 2025 10:03 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
writerkitYesterday two things happened: I went to my first Dyke March and I had an interesting conversation with my boss about trans rights.
The second one was directly related to the first one, as I mentioned what I was doing with my evening, which resulted in my explaining what it was ("Pride's more radical cousin") to another coworker, and I discovered that my boss has an odd opinion on trans rights which I have never heard anyone express before, which can be summed up as "people should pick a gender and stick with it." People transitioning have always been there, she is aware (because she knew them when she was young), but you used to have to put effort into transitioning, and she's firmly behind that. But once you have put effort into it then you're fine, as long as you have a somewhat conventional gender expression for whatever gender you pick.
Which is very much not a version of this argument I have ever heard anyone advance, and one I very much disagree with. (And I think she's conflating "people on the internet" with the majority of queer people.) But not a discussion I felt unsafe during, even as I disagree with the perspective, and not one I will be complaining to anyone about-- part of my relief that no one at my job is scrutinizing everything I say in a bid to take it in the most offensive way possible is extending that same grace to other people.
So then I went to the Dyke March and was unprepared for how very Palestine-forward it was going to be. (And can I just point out how weird it is that everything is so Palestine-forward these days? It wasn't even focused on queer Palestinians, just "we are gathering for this wholly unrelated issue and we need to make sure that everyone knows we are in favor of freeing Palestine!" We are apparently allergic to issue-specific gatherings now.) I was expecting some amount of "free Palestine" stuff, partly because of that everything and partly because Jews at Pride was becoming an issue even before the current escalation of hostilities; witness that debacle a few years back with Jewish Pride flag. The Dyke March has more radicals and with more radicals comes more people who are fixated on Palestine. But I wasn't expecting it to be so very forward that I felt unsafe just being there.
To be clear, it's not that I approve of Israel's behavior in Palestine; I absolutely do not. However, in that particular crowd, I am acutely aware that many people--maybe even a majority of people--are mentally adding "by destroying Israel" to the end of that chant, and that those people are lumping in "all Jews that don't think Israel should be destroyed" with Israel itself. And so when I'm walking in a march that is much more acutely a protest than the Pride parade, waving a "Genitals =/= Gender" sign, and suddenly everyone around me is chanting about freeing Palestine... well, one becomes aware of walking in a crowd that would forbid you from attending if they knew what you are. That thinks your very existence makes them unsafe. That would justify it if someone killed you.
And the thing is, if it weren't for that, the Dyke March would be more my scene than Pride itself. Smaller, the tables are mostly local artists or community organizations, and it's more overtly a protest. (Also apparently more people selling books. Pride this year was curiously devoid of booksellers.)
And I just find it interesting that I felt entirely safe having a conversation with someone who very much does not like the way transness is currently manifesting in the world and felt quite unsafe in the crowd of people who are supposedly my community.
(I am tempted to get one of the Jewish Pride flags for next year. Walking around with one of those is kind of inviting trouble, and I don't think I'd try it at the actual Dyke March-- I think just wearing it might in and of itself be enough to get kicked out--but I am quite tempted.)
The second one was directly related to the first one, as I mentioned what I was doing with my evening, which resulted in my explaining what it was ("Pride's more radical cousin") to another coworker, and I discovered that my boss has an odd opinion on trans rights which I have never heard anyone express before, which can be summed up as "people should pick a gender and stick with it." People transitioning have always been there, she is aware (because she knew them when she was young), but you used to have to put effort into transitioning, and she's firmly behind that. But once you have put effort into it then you're fine, as long as you have a somewhat conventional gender expression for whatever gender you pick.
Which is very much not a version of this argument I have ever heard anyone advance, and one I very much disagree with. (And I think she's conflating "people on the internet" with the majority of queer people.) But not a discussion I felt unsafe during, even as I disagree with the perspective, and not one I will be complaining to anyone about-- part of my relief that no one at my job is scrutinizing everything I say in a bid to take it in the most offensive way possible is extending that same grace to other people.
So then I went to the Dyke March and was unprepared for how very Palestine-forward it was going to be. (And can I just point out how weird it is that everything is so Palestine-forward these days? It wasn't even focused on queer Palestinians, just "we are gathering for this wholly unrelated issue and we need to make sure that everyone knows we are in favor of freeing Palestine!" We are apparently allergic to issue-specific gatherings now.) I was expecting some amount of "free Palestine" stuff, partly because of that everything and partly because Jews at Pride was becoming an issue even before the current escalation of hostilities; witness that debacle a few years back with Jewish Pride flag. The Dyke March has more radicals and with more radicals comes more people who are fixated on Palestine. But I wasn't expecting it to be so very forward that I felt unsafe just being there.
To be clear, it's not that I approve of Israel's behavior in Palestine; I absolutely do not. However, in that particular crowd, I am acutely aware that many people--maybe even a majority of people--are mentally adding "by destroying Israel" to the end of that chant, and that those people are lumping in "all Jews that don't think Israel should be destroyed" with Israel itself. And so when I'm walking in a march that is much more acutely a protest than the Pride parade, waving a "Genitals =/= Gender" sign, and suddenly everyone around me is chanting about freeing Palestine... well, one becomes aware of walking in a crowd that would forbid you from attending if they knew what you are. That thinks your very existence makes them unsafe. That would justify it if someone killed you.
And the thing is, if it weren't for that, the Dyke March would be more my scene than Pride itself. Smaller, the tables are mostly local artists or community organizations, and it's more overtly a protest. (Also apparently more people selling books. Pride this year was curiously devoid of booksellers.)
And I just find it interesting that I felt entirely safe having a conversation with someone who very much does not like the way transness is currently manifesting in the world and felt quite unsafe in the crowd of people who are supposedly my community.
(I am tempted to get one of the Jewish Pride flags for next year. Walking around with one of those is kind of inviting trouble, and I don't think I'd try it at the actual Dyke March-- I think just wearing it might in and of itself be enough to get kicked out--but I am quite tempted.)
